My voice is almost gone.
I have never drank so much as I have in the last four days.
I have never mixed drinks this much and all this is giving me frequent bouts of nausea.
My legs have buckled innumerable times in the last few hours after three days of standing in the sun.
I have worn the same pair of three-quarters for the last three days even though they have obtained layers of dust by now.
Strawberry Fields...
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
A Moving Snapshot of India
It was roughly 8:30 am when I woke up in the train. My sleep had been fitful, mostly because of the loudmouthed passenger below and I would have ideally liked to sleep more, but the attendant with the pre-ordered breakfast was prodding me. Grumbling and mumbling (as I do every morning till I wash my face), I accepted it and did the morning’s business.
After breakfast, I needed a break from the stuffy compartment so I went to the train door, opened it and looked outside. Luckily, the weather was brilliant and breezy, and I had one of my most refreshing experiences in a while.
I wonder if you have noticed it, but there’s always a reassuring similarity in the moving scenery outside a train wherever it may be in the Indian plains. There is always farm land; it seemed to be paddy fields rushing past me this time. Clearly the area had been blessed with good rain, because the artificially scooped little canals for catching and transporting rainwater were full in complete muddy brown glory. Now and then a little village would whiz by and the children who were playing with their deflated tires and crude dolls would look up and stare; this being a universal instinct all kids share, no matter how many trains pass them in a day. There were several fruit orchards among the fields, something which has always unnerved me. There’s just something weird about full grown trees arranged in neat, little rows and columns, it deviates too much from nature’s chaos for my liking.
I was pretty lost in thought admiring these sights which we city folk take as mundane but in reality get the opportunity to experience rarely. I wondered what it would be like to live such simple lives in agriculture based villages and oddly resented them for having such clear priorities, pleasures and pains. Of course, a farmer’s life is by no means rosy, but then very few lives in general are. Still, it must be much more satisfying and refreshing to take a bath in a river or lake after a hot day’s work then in a shower or bucket. I remember how relaxing the river bath in Hampi was.
I was peering out and looking ahead when I noticed that the train was running smack into a storm. It was a good one too. Within no time, my exposed hands on the door handles were getting hit by the raindrops, and each of them hurt like a bee sting. I weathered it for about ten minutes but then beat a hasty retreat to my berth and under my warm blanket. I hadn’t carried my watch or phone with me so I didn’t know how much time I had spent outside. I had judged it to be a half an hour at the most till I checked my watch. I had spent close to one and a half hours looking outside.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The Tragical Comedy of Beach Ball 1 - 0 Liverpool
Every now and then, the EPL gets down from its straitjacketed stiff-upper-lip pedestal and delivers a truly farcical moment. These moments have become quite prevalent this season and are making otherwise academic title chases quite interesting, but have so far have been mostly limited to managerial rants and antics off the pitch. Today's Sunderland 1-0 win over Liverpool provided a rare moment on it.
The sole goal came when the shot deflected off a beach ball lying on the six yard line and pretty much mindf*cked Pepe Reina who couldn't decide whether to go after the football or the giant red balloon. For the record, he chose to ignore the football and wave a feeble hand at the beach ball, whether to curse it or to try and save it in the hope that the referee would be colour blind and think it is the football he's saved we'll never know. He failed anyway.
The supremely sweet irony lies in the fact that the beach ball was.. a 'Pool branded ball thrown by an industriously moronic 'Pool fan. ('Pool, beach - heh)
I feel sorry for the poor kid. His moment of stupidity has in all likelihood caused him to be disowned by his family by now and has probably dared not make the trip back to his hometown for fear of being lynched and quartered. Because, like every other self-respecting set of fans, the Liverpool supporters would have invariably laid the entire blame of the loss on him and his ball, completely ignoring the fact that they were second best and deserved to lose anyway. In fact, if Liverpool fall short of the title by a whopping ten-fifteen points (which is looking entirely possible right now), they'll blame the whole thing on that ball.
But maybe they have a right to be paranoid. Maybe the whole thing was planned all along. But who would be so insidiously devious to come up with such a cunning plan to crush the morale of the Liverpool players?
http://i37.tinypic.com/2njg5tl.gif
Who else?
The sole goal came when the shot deflected off a beach ball lying on the six yard line and pretty much mindf*cked Pepe Reina who couldn't decide whether to go after the football or the giant red balloon. For the record, he chose to ignore the football and wave a feeble hand at the beach ball, whether to curse it or to try and save it in the hope that the referee would be colour blind and think it is the football he's saved we'll never know. He failed anyway.
The supremely sweet irony lies in the fact that the beach ball was.. a 'Pool branded ball thrown by an industriously moronic 'Pool fan. ('Pool, beach - heh)
I feel sorry for the poor kid. His moment of stupidity has in all likelihood caused him to be disowned by his family by now and has probably dared not make the trip back to his hometown for fear of being lynched and quartered. Because, like every other self-respecting set of fans, the Liverpool supporters would have invariably laid the entire blame of the loss on him and his ball, completely ignoring the fact that they were second best and deserved to lose anyway. In fact, if Liverpool fall short of the title by a whopping ten-fifteen points (which is looking entirely possible right now), they'll blame the whole thing on that ball.
But maybe they have a right to be paranoid. Maybe the whole thing was planned all along. But who would be so insidiously devious to come up with such a cunning plan to crush the morale of the Liverpool players?
http://i37.tinypic.com/2njg5tl.gif
Who else?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Century Babies and Multiversal Snowflakes
Planetary #27 released this week, a few dinosaur years after the penultimate issue, and a little piece of comics history is finally complete.
Planetary is science fiction at its very, very best. A Warren Ellis creation, the comic has unique takes on life, death, souls, the universe, micro/macro scale realities and a number of other concepts, ably supported by a good plot which is simple to understand. A known superhero hater, Ellis has taken classy digs at most superheroes imaginable, in fact the villains are a highly skewed version of the Fantastic Four. Also included are several classic fictional characters in their familiar forms or as obvious inspirations, ranging from Sherlock Holmes to James Bond. It's not unlike League of Extraordinary Gentlemen in a way.
The basic premise of Planetary is that the title is the name of an organisation of "mystery archaelogists" who are always looking out for weird stuff to save and protect as they wish to ensure that the world stays strange because that is how it is supposed to be. And indeed, over the series, it gives food for thought over a good number of things which we take for granted, or worse, don't even bother contemplating. And just like Transmetropolitan, Ellis makes sure that it never gets too heavy and there are more than sufficient doses of action and humour. The characters are unique and typical of Ellis, although they do fall into the clearly defined roles of "the cool, aloof hero", "the all action star", "the maverick young 'un", "the megalomaniac arch-enemy" etc etc. The main character, Elijah Snow, is recruited into it (and more, but that would be a spoiler). Snow is also a "century baby" - people who were born on January 1, 1900 and all of whom are gifted with powers and functional immortality (pretty sure Midnight's Children was an inspiration). Another concept at the the heart of the series is the snowflake shaped structure of the multiverse where every facet is a 2-D universe. Quite interesting, that.
Planetary also has one of the best Batman one-shots ever. It's a pity that Ellis is so allergic to superhero stuff. The very few superhero related stuff he has done (and I have read) are top draw.
It's one of the comics every comic reader must read otherwise their lives will be sadder for missing out on them. It's as simple as that.
Planetary is science fiction at its very, very best. A Warren Ellis creation, the comic has unique takes on life, death, souls, the universe, micro/macro scale realities and a number of other concepts, ably supported by a good plot which is simple to understand. A known superhero hater, Ellis has taken classy digs at most superheroes imaginable, in fact the villains are a highly skewed version of the Fantastic Four. Also included are several classic fictional characters in their familiar forms or as obvious inspirations, ranging from Sherlock Holmes to James Bond. It's not unlike League of Extraordinary Gentlemen in a way.
The basic premise of Planetary is that the title is the name of an organisation of "mystery archaelogists" who are always looking out for weird stuff to save and protect as they wish to ensure that the world stays strange because that is how it is supposed to be. And indeed, over the series, it gives food for thought over a good number of things which we take for granted, or worse, don't even bother contemplating. And just like Transmetropolitan, Ellis makes sure that it never gets too heavy and there are more than sufficient doses of action and humour. The characters are unique and typical of Ellis, although they do fall into the clearly defined roles of "the cool, aloof hero", "the all action star", "the maverick young 'un", "the megalomaniac arch-enemy" etc etc. The main character, Elijah Snow, is recruited into it (and more, but that would be a spoiler). Snow is also a "century baby" - people who were born on January 1, 1900 and all of whom are gifted with powers and functional immortality (pretty sure Midnight's Children was an inspiration). Another concept at the the heart of the series is the snowflake shaped structure of the multiverse where every facet is a 2-D universe. Quite interesting, that.
Planetary also has one of the best Batman one-shots ever. It's a pity that Ellis is so allergic to superhero stuff. The very few superhero related stuff he has done (and I have read) are top draw.
It's one of the comics every comic reader must read otherwise their lives will be sadder for missing out on them. It's as simple as that.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Mitch Hedberg Quotes
Routine post till I come up with something after projects. Picked it up from the little piece of internet heaven called KL! (won't describe it over the blog because that will break Fight Club rules), thanks MSD.
Mitch Hedberg rocks, in my humble opinion. He's up there with Hicks, God rest his soul. No one delivered surreal humour better. The ones I really like are in bold.
P.S. it's pretty long, you have been warned.
* I got an ant farm... them fellas didn't grow shit!
* I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don't go see Dr. Acula.
* I had a Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper... but it's the bullshit replica, cause dude didn't even get his degree.
* One time a guy handed me a picture and said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger! "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera.
* I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks... it'd be so damn literal! You are using that machine to its exact purpose!
* Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.
* I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn, because people honk the car horn too much. 3 honks, that's the limit. And then someone cuts you off, ffffft, you press your horn, nothing happens. You're like, "shit! I wish I wouldn't have seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"
* I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
* I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
* I wanna be a race car passenger - just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."
* My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "no, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah."
* I walked by a drycleaner at 3am, the sign said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry, it's 3am and you're a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk in at 10am and say "Hey, I walked in at 3am and you guys were closed. Somebody owes me an apology."
* I got a business card, cause I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: "Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner."
* I had a paper route when I was a kid, I was a paper boy. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses... or 2 dumpsters!
* I like the hot tubs at the hotels. I like to go there when there's a guy in there already, I say "hey man, you mind if I join you?" He says no. Then I go and I turn the whirlpool heat up, then I go by and I add some carrots and onions. Then I say "hey man, just simmer for a whil- I mean, sit there."
* I would like to have a product that was available for 3 easy payments and one Frackin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch!
* I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. It's like, "dude, you have to wait."
* I saw a commercial that said, "forget everything you know about slip covers!" So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slip covers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.
* Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way, right? "Prices and participation may vary." I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets!
* I was gonna have my teeth whitened, but then I said Frack that, I'll just get a tan instead.
* I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said, "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!"
* I bought a house, it's a 2-bedroom house. But I think it's up to me how many bedrooms there are, don't you? Frack you real estate lady, this bedroom has an oven in it! This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom's over in that guy's house.
* I like the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer, and he don't even know it.
* I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.
* You know when a company wants to use letters in their phone number to be catchy? But often times they use too many letters. "Give us a call down here at 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Carpeting." It's too many letters, man. "Hello?" "Hold on, I'm only on 'Enjoy'! How did you know I was calling?"
* I bought a 7 dollar pen, because I always lose pens, and I got sick of not caring.
* I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!
* I had a small scene in a movie with Peter Frampton. And we had to smoke pot for our scene - but it was fake pot! Do not buy pot on a movie set. But I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton, that's a cool story. It's as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton... I've done that way more.
* The thing that's depressing about tennis is, no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once... they're Fracking relentless!
* People ask me what words mean... they say, "what does 'composition' mean?" Some people would say, "put it in a sentence." But I need a little more. "Put it in a play."
* If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and someone offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Because inside is a note that says "say thanks."
* Every book is a children's book, if the kid can read!
* My friend said to me "I think the weather's trippy." And I said "No man, it's not the weather that's trippy. Perhaps it is the way that we percieve it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought "man, I should have just said 'yeah'."
* I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs... sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."
* When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light... and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.
* I was in a hotel room and my friend comes over, he says "can I use the phone?" I said "certainly." He said "do I need to dial 9?" "Yeah... especially if it's in the number. You can try 4 and 5 back to back real quick."
* I wanna get a job naming kitchen appliances, that seems easy. Refrigerator, toaster, blender... you just say what the thing does, then you add "er". Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute... "What does this thing do?" "It keeps shit fresh." "Well then that's a fresher! I'm going on break."
* I did a radio interview with XM radio... they said "you can swear on XM radio." No shit, cause nobody can hear it. You can swear in the woods, too!
* As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes... all exciting at first, but then by the end you're Frackin' sick of em.
* Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Goddammit Otto, you're an alcoholic! Goddammit Otto, you have lupus! One of those two doesn't sound right.
* I know a lot about cars, I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
* I say the word "totally" way too much. I need to change it and use a word that's different but means the same. "Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches?" "All-encompassingly!"
* I went to the Home Depot the other day, which was unnecessary... I need to go to the Apartment Depot, which is just a big warehouse with people standing around saying "hey, we ain't gotta fix shit!"
* I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
* I like refried beans, that's why I wanna try fried beans. Cause maybe they're just as good, and we're wasting time. You don't have to fry them again, after all!
* I hate dreaming, because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know? Like there I am, laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room... next thing I know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.
* I drank some boiling water, because I wanted to whistle.
* On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana, it's just the opposite. Green means hold on. Yellow means go ahead. And red means, where the Frack did you get that banana at?
* My apartment is infested with koala bears... it's the cutest infestation ever! Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want 'em to, you know?
* I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it. So I would buy a baby naming book... or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on!
* I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographers' fault! Bigfoot is blurry... and that's extra scary to me. Cause there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.
* I opened up a yogurt, and underneath the lid it said "please try again", because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "Come on Mitchell, don't give up... please try again." A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
* I miss the $2... I could break a $2.
* My sister wanted to be an actress... she never made it, but she does live in a trailer. She got half-way. It's like she's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
* Sometimes I wave to people I don't know... very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky! Look what I got, motherFracker... this thing is useful! I'm gonna go pick something up!
* Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus? Or just a really cool opotamus?
* I did a radio interview, the DJ's first question was "who are you?" I had to think: is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?
* I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitors' coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."
* Last time I called shotgun, we had rented a limo... so I Fracked up.
* Foosball Fracked up my perception of soccer. I thought you had to kick the ball, and then spin around and round. I can't do a backflip, much less several... simultaneously with two other guys... that look just like me.
* I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on 'em. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque, and throw down on some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on... "you better flip that Frito dad, you know how I like it."
* You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
* Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit! You would not want to submerge your head... nothing but fish going "Ahhhh, Frack! I thought I looked like that rock!"
* The club owner here hooks me up with drugs, like cocaine or pot brownies. But last time I was in town he gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted. But I'm not, so what happened to me was I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would be telling me a story, then the story would end and I'd get all mad and shit. "Come on man, there's gotta be more to that story!"
* I wake up in the morning, I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, then I don't do shit for an hour. Which makes me wonder why I need the instant oatmeal! I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.
* I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument. Cause then I tried to walk out, and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up really quick?
* I mumble a lot off stage, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he won't hear me, he'll say "what?" So I'll say it again, but once again he doesn't hear me, so he says "what?" But really it's just some insignificant shit that I'm saying... but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!"
* I did comedy for a fundraiser once, we were trying to raise money to buy one of those machines that shows how much money has been raised.
* I've had the AIDS test four times. And that shit is scary, doesn't matter what you've been doing. So I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore, I get the roundabout AIDS test. I call up my friend Brian and say "Brian, do you know anyone that has AIDS? No? Cool... cause you know me."
* I get the Reese's candy bar... if you read that name, Reese's, that's an "apostrophe s" on the end of that name. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar and a guy named Reese comes buy and says "let me have that", you better hand it over. "I'm sorry Reese, I didn't think I'd ever run into you. You're a Frackin' bully, man!"
* The Kit-Kat candy bar has the name "Kit-Kat" imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique. I'll go down to the factory... "you owe me some letters!"
* As a comedian, I always get into situations where I'm auditioning for movies and sitcoms, you know? As a comedian, they want you to do other things besides comedy. They say "alright you're a comedian, can you write? Write us a script. Act in this sitcom." They want me to do shit that's related to comedy, but it's not comedy, man. It's not fair, you know? It's as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a really good cook, and they said "alright you're a cook... can you farm?"
* This one guy said "look at that girl's butt! She has a nice butt." I said "yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently."
* 2 in 1 shampoo... 2 in 1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created. If it was 2 in 1, it would be overflowing... the bottle would be all sticky and shit.
* I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man, I'll just give you the money then you give me the doughnut! End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend... don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home... in the file... under 'D'.
* I called the hotel operator, she said "how can I direct your call?" Well, you could say "action!" And I will begin to dial. And then when I say goodbye, you could yell "cut!"
* When we were on acid, we would go into the woods... cause when you're in the woods tripping, there's less likely a chance you'll run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. That was even more of a buzzkill. My friend Dwayne was standing there raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear, he put his arm around my shoulder, he said "Mitchell... Smokey is way more intense in person!"
* I had the cab driver drive me here backwards... the Fracker owed me $27.50!
* I bought a scratch-off ticket, but then I accidentally spilled some cortizone cream on it, so it did not need to be scratched.
* I played in a death metal band. People either loved us or they hated us... or they thought we were okay. A lot of death metal bands have intense names, like "Rigormortis" or "Mortuary" or "Obituary". We weren't that intense, we just went with "Injured". Later on we changed it to "A Capella"... as we were walking out of the pawn shop.
* I'm an ice sculptor... last night I made a cube.
* I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. And I knew the duck was lost, cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown, there's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said "let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said alright, well put some lettuce on it. They said, "that'll be $1.75." I said "it's for a duck." They said "alright, well then it's free." See, I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway!! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub. But don't bother ringing it up... it's for a duck! There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!!"
* I flew over an island that said "S.O.S.", so I landed, because I wanted to clean their pans.
* You know when they show someone on TV, washing their hair under a waterfall? That's Fracking bullshit man... cause that thing would knock you on your ass!
* I saw a billboard for a lottery, it said "estimated lotto jackpot 55 million." See, I did not know that shit was estimated. That would suck if you won and they go, "oh, we were off by two zeros. We estimate that you are angry!"
* My girlfriend works at Hooters... in the kitchen.
* Stephen Lynch is funny, he's a hard act to follow. I'm a hard act to follow too, cause when I'm done I take the microphone with me.
* I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I would say, "Just press 2 for a while! And when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough."
* I'm so glad I'm almost done the set, man... because I have a roll of Lifesavers in my pocket, and pineapple is next!
* When you go to a restaurant on the weekends, it's busy, so they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrene, party of 2. Table ready for Dufrene, party of 2." And if no one answers, they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of 2." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of 3." Yeah... what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You Frackers are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. Bush, SEARCH party of 3! You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.
* My manager was concerned, he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch... because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely screws up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see.
* I used to live here in Los Angeles... and I had an apartment, and I had a neighbor. And whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down. And that made me angry, cause I like loud music. So when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "go around! I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side, but over here there's nothing... it's just flat!"
* I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
* I smoke cigars occasionally, I don't know a lot about cigars. Like I'm at the cigar store, the man behind the counter says "what kind of cigars do you like?" "Uhh... Itsaboys."
* I used to have really long hair, and people thought I was high on stage, because people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long-haired guy, they'd say "that Fracker eats cake! He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"
* I had a roommate, his name was Eddie, and Eddie was slow on the mental draw. I was writing a letter, I had a problem... I said, "Ed, how do you abbreviate Arkansas?" He said, "I don't know, just start spelling it, then quit!"
* Like, we had a refrigerator with a hard-boiled egg inside, after a few days the shell started to crack. Eddie's first comment was "man, this guy's a survivor!"
* I can't floss my teeth, man... I can't get into the flossing thing. People who smoke cigarettes, they say "man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking." Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing!
* You know when you go to concerts, and the kids get on stage and they jump into the crowd, stage diving? People think that's dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water! So the audience is 5 percent away from a pool.
* I rent a lot of cars, cause I go on the road. And when I drive a rental car, I don't know what's going on with it, right? So a lot of times I'll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake.
* I play the guitar, I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision... because I didn't know how to play it, so I was a shitty teacher. I would never have went to me.
* I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store and you stand in front of the lunchmeat section for too long, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see, like, turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna... somebody needs to tell the turkeys, "man, just be yourself!"
* I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man! I don't know how I get away with it.
"I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread."
"So do I."
"Well let's form a club then."
"Okay, but we need some more stipulations."
"Yes we do. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again."
"Yes, four triangles. And we will position them into a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips."
"Or potato salad."
"Okay. Lemme ask you a question: how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?"
"I'm for 'em!"
"Well this club is formed. Spread the word on menus nationwide!"
Mitch Hedberg rocks, in my humble opinion. He's up there with Hicks, God rest his soul. No one delivered surreal humour better. The ones I really like are in bold.
P.S. it's pretty long, you have been warned.
* I got an ant farm... them fellas didn't grow shit!
* I went to a doctor, all he did was suck blood from my neck. Don't go see Dr. Acula.
* I had a Mr. Pibb, Mr. Pibb is a replica of Dr. Pepper... but it's the bullshit replica, cause dude didn't even get his degree.
* One time a guy handed me a picture and said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger! "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera.
* I'd like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks... it'd be so damn literal! You are using that machine to its exact purpose!
* Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.
* I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn, because people honk the car horn too much. 3 honks, that's the limit. And then someone cuts you off, ffffft, you press your horn, nothing happens. You're like, "shit! I wish I wouldn't have seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"
* I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
* I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
* I wanna be a race car passenger - just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."
* My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "no, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah."
* I walked by a drycleaner at 3am, the sign said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry, it's 3am and you're a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk in at 10am and say "Hey, I walked in at 3am and you guys were closed. Somebody owes me an apology."
* I got a business card, cause I wanna win some lunches. That's what my business card says: "Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner."
* I had a paper route when I was a kid, I was a paper boy. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses... or 2 dumpsters!
* I like the hot tubs at the hotels. I like to go there when there's a guy in there already, I say "hey man, you mind if I join you?" He says no. Then I go and I turn the whirlpool heat up, then I go by and I add some carrots and onions. Then I say "hey man, just simmer for a whil- I mean, sit there."
* I would like to have a product that was available for 3 easy payments and one Frackin' complicated payment. We ain't gonna tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is gonna be a bitch!
* I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. It's like, "dude, you have to wait."
* I saw a commercial that said, "forget everything you know about slip covers!" So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slip covers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.
* Every McDonald's commercial ends the same way, right? "Prices and participation may vary." I wanna open a McDonald's and not participate in anything. I wanna be a stubborn McDonald's owner. Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti! And blankets!
* I was gonna have my teeth whitened, but then I said Frack that, I'll just get a tan instead.
* I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said, "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me this question!"
* I bought a house, it's a 2-bedroom house. But I think it's up to me how many bedrooms there are, don't you? Frack you real estate lady, this bedroom has an oven in it! This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom's over in that guy's house.
* I like the FedEx driver, because he's a drug dealer, and he don't even know it.
* I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.
* You know when a company wants to use letters in their phone number to be catchy? But often times they use too many letters. "Give us a call down here at 1-800-I-Really-Enjoy-Carpeting." It's too many letters, man. "Hello?" "Hold on, I'm only on 'Enjoy'! How did you know I was calling?"
* I bought a 7 dollar pen, because I always lose pens, and I got sick of not caring.
* I would imagine if you understood Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy!
* I had a small scene in a movie with Peter Frampton. And we had to smoke pot for our scene - but it was fake pot! Do not buy pot on a movie set. But I got to smoke fake pot with Peter Frampton, that's a cool story. It's as cool as smoking real pot with a guy who looks like Peter Frampton... I've done that way more.
* The thing that's depressing about tennis is, no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once... they're Fracking relentless!
* People ask me what words mean... they say, "what does 'composition' mean?" Some people would say, "put it in a sentence." But I need a little more. "Put it in a play."
* If I'm out to dinner with a group of friends, and someone offers to pay for the check, I immediately reach for my wallet. Because inside is a note that says "say thanks."
* Every book is a children's book, if the kid can read!
* My friend said to me "I think the weather's trippy." And I said "No man, it's not the weather that's trippy. Perhaps it is the way that we percieve it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought "man, I should have just said 'yeah'."
* I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs... sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."
* When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light... and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.
* I was in a hotel room and my friend comes over, he says "can I use the phone?" I said "certainly." He said "do I need to dial 9?" "Yeah... especially if it's in the number. You can try 4 and 5 back to back real quick."
* I wanna get a job naming kitchen appliances, that seems easy. Refrigerator, toaster, blender... you just say what the thing does, then you add "er". Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute... "What does this thing do?" "It keeps shit fresh." "Well then that's a fresher! I'm going on break."
* I did a radio interview with XM radio... they said "you can swear on XM radio." No shit, cause nobody can hear it. You can swear in the woods, too!
* As a comedian, you have to start the show strong and you have to end the show strong. Those are the two key elements. You can't be like pancakes... all exciting at first, but then by the end you're Frackin' sick of em.
* Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Goddammit Otto, you're an alcoholic! Goddammit Otto, you have lupus! One of those two doesn't sound right.
* I know a lot about cars, I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
* I say the word "totally" way too much. I need to change it and use a word that's different but means the same. "Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches?" "All-encompassingly!"
* I went to the Home Depot the other day, which was unnecessary... I need to go to the Apartment Depot, which is just a big warehouse with people standing around saying "hey, we ain't gotta fix shit!"
* I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
* I like refried beans, that's why I wanna try fried beans. Cause maybe they're just as good, and we're wasting time. You don't have to fry them again, after all!
* I hate dreaming, because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know? Like there I am, laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room... next thing I know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.
* I drank some boiling water, because I wanted to whistle.
* On a traffic light, green means go and yellow means yield, but on a banana, it's just the opposite. Green means hold on. Yellow means go ahead. And red means, where the Frack did you get that banana at?
* My apartment is infested with koala bears... it's the cutest infestation ever! Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want 'em to, you know?
* I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it. So I would buy a baby naming book... or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on!
* I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographers' fault! Bigfoot is blurry... and that's extra scary to me. Cause there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside.
* I opened up a yogurt, and underneath the lid it said "please try again", because they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. "Come on Mitchell, don't give up... please try again." A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
* I miss the $2... I could break a $2.
* My sister wanted to be an actress... she never made it, but she does live in a trailer. She got half-way. It's like she's an actress, she's just never called to the set.
* Sometimes I wave to people I don't know... very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky! Look what I got, motherFracker... this thing is useful! I'm gonna go pick something up!
* Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus? Or just a really cool opotamus?
* I did a radio interview, the DJ's first question was "who are you?" I had to think: is this guy really deep, or did I drive to the wrong station?
* I think Pizza Hut is the cockiest pizza chain on the planet, because Pizza Hut will accept all competitors' coupons. That makes me wish I had my own pizza place. "Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase of a small Coke. Two-for Tuesday: buy one pizza, get one franchise free."
* Last time I called shotgun, we had rented a limo... so I Fracked up.
* Foosball Fracked up my perception of soccer. I thought you had to kick the ball, and then spin around and round. I can't do a backflip, much less several... simultaneously with two other guys... that look just like me.
* I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on 'em. Hell yeah! Reminds me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque, and throw down on some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on... "you better flip that Frito dad, you know how I like it."
* You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going, and hook up with them later.
* Fish are always eating other fish. If fish could scream, the ocean would be loud as shit! You would not want to submerge your head... nothing but fish going "Ahhhh, Frack! I thought I looked like that rock!"
* The club owner here hooks me up with drugs, like cocaine or pot brownies. But last time I was in town he gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted. But I'm not, so what happened to me was I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would be telling me a story, then the story would end and I'd get all mad and shit. "Come on man, there's gotta be more to that story!"
* I wake up in the morning, I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, then I don't do shit for an hour. Which makes me wonder why I need the instant oatmeal! I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.
* I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument. Cause then I tried to walk out, and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up really quick?
* I mumble a lot off stage, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he won't hear me, he'll say "what?" So I'll say it again, but once again he doesn't hear me, so he says "what?" But really it's just some insignificant shit that I'm saying... but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!"
* I did comedy for a fundraiser once, we were trying to raise money to buy one of those machines that shows how much money has been raised.
* I've had the AIDS test four times. And that shit is scary, doesn't matter what you've been doing. So I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore, I get the roundabout AIDS test. I call up my friend Brian and say "Brian, do you know anyone that has AIDS? No? Cool... cause you know me."
* I get the Reese's candy bar... if you read that name, Reese's, that's an "apostrophe s" on the end of that name. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar and a guy named Reese comes buy and says "let me have that", you better hand it over. "I'm sorry Reese, I didn't think I'd ever run into you. You're a Frackin' bully, man!"
* The Kit-Kat candy bar has the name "Kit-Kat" imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique. I'll go down to the factory... "you owe me some letters!"
* As a comedian, I always get into situations where I'm auditioning for movies and sitcoms, you know? As a comedian, they want you to do other things besides comedy. They say "alright you're a comedian, can you write? Write us a script. Act in this sitcom." They want me to do shit that's related to comedy, but it's not comedy, man. It's not fair, you know? It's as though if I was a cook, and I worked my ass off to become a really good cook, and they said "alright you're a cook... can you farm?"
* This one guy said "look at that girl's butt! She has a nice butt." I said "yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently."
* 2 in 1 shampoo... 2 in 1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created. If it was 2 in 1, it would be overflowing... the bottle would be all sticky and shit.
* I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut, man, I'll just give you the money then you give me the doughnut! End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend... don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home... in the file... under 'D'.
* I called the hotel operator, she said "how can I direct your call?" Well, you could say "action!" And I will begin to dial. And then when I say goodbye, you could yell "cut!"
* When we were on acid, we would go into the woods... cause when you're in the woods tripping, there's less likely a chance you'll run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. That was even more of a buzzkill. My friend Dwayne was standing there raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear, he put his arm around my shoulder, he said "Mitchell... Smokey is way more intense in person!"
* I had the cab driver drive me here backwards... the Fracker owed me $27.50!
* I bought a scratch-off ticket, but then I accidentally spilled some cortizone cream on it, so it did not need to be scratched.
* I played in a death metal band. People either loved us or they hated us... or they thought we were okay. A lot of death metal bands have intense names, like "Rigormortis" or "Mortuary" or "Obituary". We weren't that intense, we just went with "Injured". Later on we changed it to "A Capella"... as we were walking out of the pawn shop.
* I'm an ice sculptor... last night I made a cube.
* I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. And I knew the duck was lost, cause ducks ain't supposed to be downtown, there's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said "let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said alright, well put some lettuce on it. They said, "that'll be $1.75." I said "it's for a duck." They said "alright, well then it's free." See, I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway!! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub. But don't bother ringing it up... it's for a duck! There are 6 ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!!"
* I flew over an island that said "S.O.S.", so I landed, because I wanted to clean their pans.
* You know when they show someone on TV, washing their hair under a waterfall? That's Fracking bullshit man... cause that thing would knock you on your ass!
* I saw a billboard for a lottery, it said "estimated lotto jackpot 55 million." See, I did not know that shit was estimated. That would suck if you won and they go, "oh, we were off by two zeros. We estimate that you are angry!"
* My girlfriend works at Hooters... in the kitchen.
* Stephen Lynch is funny, he's a hard act to follow. I'm a hard act to follow too, cause when I'm done I take the microphone with me.
* I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number. Something like 222-2222. I would say sweet. People would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I would say, "Just press 2 for a while! And when I answer, you will know that you have pressed 2 enough."
* I'm so glad I'm almost done the set, man... because I have a roll of Lifesavers in my pocket, and pineapple is next!
* When you go to a restaurant on the weekends, it's busy, so they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrene, party of 2. Table ready for Dufrene, party of 2." And if no one answers, they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of 2." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of 3." Yeah... what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You Frackers are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. Bush, SEARCH party of 3! You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.
* My manager was concerned, he said "Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch." I can't use liquor as a crutch... because a crutch helps me walk. Liquor severely screws up the way I walk. It ain't like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see.
* I used to live here in Los Angeles... and I had an apartment, and I had a neighbor. And whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down. And that made me angry, cause I like loud music. So when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "go around! I cannot open the wall. I don't know if you have a doorknob on the other side, but over here there's nothing... it's just flat!"
* I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
* I smoke cigars occasionally, I don't know a lot about cigars. Like I'm at the cigar store, the man behind the counter says "what kind of cigars do you like?" "Uhh... Itsaboys."
* I used to have really long hair, and people thought I was high on stage, because people associate long hair with drug use. I wish long hair was associated with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long-haired guy, they'd say "that Fracker eats cake! He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "don't bring the cake-eater over here anymore, he smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"
* I had a roommate, his name was Eddie, and Eddie was slow on the mental draw. I was writing a letter, I had a problem... I said, "Ed, how do you abbreviate Arkansas?" He said, "I don't know, just start spelling it, then quit!"
* Like, we had a refrigerator with a hard-boiled egg inside, after a few days the shell started to crack. Eddie's first comment was "man, this guy's a survivor!"
* I can't floss my teeth, man... I can't get into the flossing thing. People who smoke cigarettes, they say "man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking." Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing!
* You know when you go to concerts, and the kids get on stage and they jump into the crowd, stage diving? People think that's dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water! So the audience is 5 percent away from a pool.
* I rent a lot of cars, cause I go on the road. And when I drive a rental car, I don't know what's going on with it, right? So a lot of times I'll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake.
* I play the guitar, I taught myself how to play the guitar, which was a bad decision... because I didn't know how to play it, so I was a shitty teacher. I would never have went to me.
* I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store and you stand in front of the lunchmeat section for too long, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see, like, turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna... somebody needs to tell the turkeys, "man, just be yourself!"
* I order the club sandwich all the time, but I'm not even a member, man! I don't know how I get away with it.
"I like my sandwiches with three pieces of bread."
"So do I."
"Well let's form a club then."
"Okay, but we need some more stipulations."
"Yes we do. Instead of cutting the sandwich once, let's cut it again."
"Yes, four triangles. And we will position them into a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips."
"Or potato salad."
"Okay. Lemme ask you a question: how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?"
"I'm for 'em!"
"Well this club is formed. Spread the word on menus nationwide!"
Monday, September 14, 2009
Technical Problems
Due to various avoidable and unavoidable reasons and general laziness this blog shall be put on hold for a little longer but should be up and running by the time next month comes knocking. Thank you for your interest, dear reader.
Friday, August 14, 2009
If Footballers Facebooked
sourced from Goal.com. They do come up with hilarious stuff sometimes.
Craig Bellamy has joined the group "Money is ruining football".
Benjani likes this
Arsene Wenger is not worried about his lack of transfers this summer as he has internal solutions. 1 hour ago
Alexandre Song Billong likes this
Abou Diaby likes this
Denilson likes this
Craig Bellamy has joined the group "Money is ruining football".
Benjani likes this
Tomas Rosicky is fit and loving life! can't wait for the new season
1 week ago
Tomas Rosicky is depressed
3 days ago
Arsene Wenger is not worried about his lack of transfers this summer as he has internal solutions. 1 hour ago
Alexandre Song Billong likes this
Abou Diaby likes this
Denilson likes this
Friday, August 7, 2009
Token Post
since there have apparently been complaints of people getting sick of seeing the same 'Samu' post every day.
I have to do two weeks' effort worth of projects in five days starting tomorrow. Again. So much for turning over a new leaf. How in heaven's name will I have the energy to do a moot straight after that. Followed by the Allen and Overy course. Followed by tax mid term. Followed by Spiritus. Followed by another project (thanfully there is the feeling of having an exemption for the first time to look forward to). Followed by the next moot. Followed by end terms. Interspersed with all these are the organising of various CulComm events. And also the inaugural Five a Side Premier Football League under lights (this should be awesome). Oh, and Quirk too.
When the hell did I become this active??
Hmm, chilling for a week wasn't such a bad idea then. I clearly won't have time to do so again this trimester.
I have to do two weeks' effort worth of projects in five days starting tomorrow. Again. So much for turning over a new leaf. How in heaven's name will I have the energy to do a moot straight after that. Followed by the Allen and Overy course. Followed by tax mid term. Followed by Spiritus. Followed by another project (thanfully there is the feeling of having an exemption for the first time to look forward to). Followed by the next moot. Followed by end terms. Interspersed with all these are the organising of various CulComm events. And also the inaugural Five a Side Premier Football League under lights (this should be awesome). Oh, and Quirk too.
When the hell did I become this active??
Hmm, chilling for a week wasn't such a bad idea then. I clearly won't have time to do so again this trimester.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Thank You, Samu
The last symbol of the of the 2004-06 F.C. Barcelona era is finally handing over his baton to the Guardiola regime. And the departure of Samuel Eto'o is honestly hitting me harder than Ronaldinho's, since he is leaving on a tremendous high.
Eto'o departs after becoming the third highest scorer in the history of the club, with a more than laudable record of 130 goals in 200 games, which includes a phenomenal 108 goals in 144 league games. He was the focal point of the Ronaldinho-Deco magic which dragged the club from the depths of the UEFA Cup to the top of Spain and Europe. He was the focal point of the Messi-Xavi-Iniesta magic which won the triplete three years later. He's scored crucial goals twice in Champions League finals, there are not many who can say that. His contribution to Barca's success in the new century has often been underestimated and overshadowed by the more glamorous names in the club. But the sheer weight of statistics tell their own story, and for once, a true one.
Eto'o was transferred into the club in 2004 from Real Mallorca, and being a typical Madrid casualty of the Galacticos (I) era, he hated the capital club with a vengeance. Which naturally suited Barca and with a player of his talent, it was a transfer just waiting to happen. During the next five seasons he showed a scoring instinct which I have rarely seen anywhere else. He was not the typical fox in the box, nor was he ever the most technically gifted, but he was blessed with sheer pace and a thunderous finish. I have always regarded him as the cleanest hitter of the football (to use an awkward analogy) in the modern era, when the ball connected to his feet, no goalkeeper could get near it. For a striker, his work rate and hassling was outstanding, the true example of Barca's philosophy of defending from the front.
Whatever his antics were off the pitch, and he has certainly never been the most mellow of characters, his professionalism was a joy to watch. It was an open secret that he and Ronaldinho never got along, but the telepathic understanding between them on the field made it all irrelevant. He was subjected to the some of the ugliest of racism football has seen and he soldiered through it. After he was put on the transfer list at the end of last season, he took it as a challenge and produced a string of brilliant performances in pre-season to convince Guardiola to keep him. And we all know how well that worked out.
Some will say that he has been disrespected by the club who ultimately used him as a makeweight in a transfer, and they will be right. Although he still leaves through the front door with his head held high, the feeling that he has been undervalued yet again cannot be shaken off. On the other hand, the post-2006 era has shown that there is a justification in radically changing the team to keep it fresh, and let's face it, Ibrahimovic is a phenomenal talent by his own right. At least Barca has not been stupid like Madrid to let one of their most influential players (Robinho) slip through in a similar makeweight saga without making sure that the other chap was actually coming.
Regardless Samuel Eto'o leaves a legend of F.C. Barcelona and there are more than a few misty eyes among cules due to his departure. So thank you for everything Samu, you have written yourself into Barca folklore, and may you achieve as much success in Inter, and wherever you go after that.
And welcome Ibra, you have a hell of an act to follow, hope you are ready for it.
Eto'o departs after becoming the third highest scorer in the history of the club, with a more than laudable record of 130 goals in 200 games, which includes a phenomenal 108 goals in 144 league games. He was the focal point of the Ronaldinho-Deco magic which dragged the club from the depths of the UEFA Cup to the top of Spain and Europe. He was the focal point of the Messi-Xavi-Iniesta magic which won the triplete three years later. He's scored crucial goals twice in Champions League finals, there are not many who can say that. His contribution to Barca's success in the new century has often been underestimated and overshadowed by the more glamorous names in the club. But the sheer weight of statistics tell their own story, and for once, a true one.
Eto'o was transferred into the club in 2004 from Real Mallorca, and being a typical Madrid casualty of the Galacticos (I) era, he hated the capital club with a vengeance. Which naturally suited Barca and with a player of his talent, it was a transfer just waiting to happen. During the next five seasons he showed a scoring instinct which I have rarely seen anywhere else. He was not the typical fox in the box, nor was he ever the most technically gifted, but he was blessed with sheer pace and a thunderous finish. I have always regarded him as the cleanest hitter of the football (to use an awkward analogy) in the modern era, when the ball connected to his feet, no goalkeeper could get near it. For a striker, his work rate and hassling was outstanding, the true example of Barca's philosophy of defending from the front.
Whatever his antics were off the pitch, and he has certainly never been the most mellow of characters, his professionalism was a joy to watch. It was an open secret that he and Ronaldinho never got along, but the telepathic understanding between them on the field made it all irrelevant. He was subjected to the some of the ugliest of racism football has seen and he soldiered through it. After he was put on the transfer list at the end of last season, he took it as a challenge and produced a string of brilliant performances in pre-season to convince Guardiola to keep him. And we all know how well that worked out.
Some will say that he has been disrespected by the club who ultimately used him as a makeweight in a transfer, and they will be right. Although he still leaves through the front door with his head held high, the feeling that he has been undervalued yet again cannot be shaken off. On the other hand, the post-2006 era has shown that there is a justification in radically changing the team to keep it fresh, and let's face it, Ibrahimovic is a phenomenal talent by his own right. At least Barca has not been stupid like Madrid to let one of their most influential players (Robinho) slip through in a similar makeweight saga without making sure that the other chap was actually coming.
Regardless Samuel Eto'o leaves a legend of F.C. Barcelona and there are more than a few misty eyes among cules due to his departure. So thank you for everything Samu, you have written yourself into Barca folklore, and may you achieve as much success in Inter, and wherever you go after that.
And welcome Ibra, you have a hell of an act to follow, hope you are ready for it.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Screw You Southampton
And while I was going through a whole bunch of stats of players to see who can reinforce the squad and getting ready for the next season...
They sacked me. For no good reason. Those bloody bastards.
Now it is October and they haven't managed a single win and are rock bottom and heading back into the Championship. So screw you, you deserve it!
As for me I was jobless for three months but then Burnley in the Championship signed me. They are an even worse headache than Southampton. I'm thinking of chucking it all and starting a new one with a lower level Premier League club like Wigan or something. This time I'll remove the 'sacking' option. Fricking sadistic game.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Buck Talk
"It's the wind. It is speaking to us."
"What's it saying?"
"I don't know. I don't speak wind."
Classic.
I love Buck. One of the best characters created in a while.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Everyone Is Unique, And The Music Never Dies
I am honestly tired of sports journalism always comparing upcoming players to retired superstars or even current players - "The Next ________". God only knows how many Argentinian prodigies have been dubbed the next Maradona and pretty much all of them - Aimar, Saviola etc - have succumbed to the pressure. The only one currently who seems to be justifying the tag is Lionel Messi, and so what do the media do, they dub even younger Argentinian kids The Next Messi. Hell, Messi just turned 22, he still has whole career in front of him, you can't push him over the hill like that. It's like giving a Lifetime Achievement Award to Dev Patel because of his 'superlative' performance in Slumdog Millionaire. You're implying that Messi cannot or does not need to achieve anything anymore, which is so obviously untrue.
This trick is mostly used to sensationalise the headlines, they are hardly ever a reflection of the player's abilities anyway. The new Brazilian starlet Douglas Costa who Manchester United are pursuing was , till a year ago, The Next Ronaldinho, now he is The Next C. Ronaldo. Because Ronaldinho's stock isn't as high as it used to be. How do you justify that on the basis of merit? Both of them are players with different styles, so unless one is saying the kid has changed his game to become a mirror image of someone else now, it really doesn't hold water.
Don't be lazy , journalists. Say it as it is, describe what the kid is good at, don't just mention he is like so-and-so and leave us to draw our own inferences. Footballers are people, and no two people are exactly the same or have the same set of talents. Everyone is unique.
...
A heads up to Vh1's coverage of Michael Jackson's demise, they have paid tribute to him in the best way possible, which is screening marathons of his music videos. Not a discussion of his life, a scrutiny of his well documented fallacies, false platitudes of his talents; just a celebration of his music.
All those platitudes can still be seen in the ticker in the bottom where the condolence messages sent by people can be seen. Some of them seem sincere, most of them are people who had little idea who he was and just want their three seconds of fame, and a few of them are dowhright retarded. Like this - "MJ, we miss you sooo much, your music has died with you :("
The music never dies, you freak! The art is what makes the artist immortal. How many people actually remember or care about the person. Even if he was a douchebag (which I don't believe he was) his music is what will count ultimately.
He was never a favourite of mine, but I really like certain songs and I overall enjoy his music. There is a definite sincerity and energy in his songs and he was one of the best lyricists of his era. He single handedly made Pop music cool and dragged it to its zenith before, well, the 90s happened. So all said and done, he will be missed. But his music won't be, because it hasn't gone anywhere.
This trick is mostly used to sensationalise the headlines, they are hardly ever a reflection of the player's abilities anyway. The new Brazilian starlet Douglas Costa who Manchester United are pursuing was , till a year ago, The Next Ronaldinho, now he is The Next C. Ronaldo. Because Ronaldinho's stock isn't as high as it used to be. How do you justify that on the basis of merit? Both of them are players with different styles, so unless one is saying the kid has changed his game to become a mirror image of someone else now, it really doesn't hold water.
Don't be lazy , journalists. Say it as it is, describe what the kid is good at, don't just mention he is like so-and-so and leave us to draw our own inferences. Footballers are people, and no two people are exactly the same or have the same set of talents. Everyone is unique.
...
A heads up to Vh1's coverage of Michael Jackson's demise, they have paid tribute to him in the best way possible, which is screening marathons of his music videos. Not a discussion of his life, a scrutiny of his well documented fallacies, false platitudes of his talents; just a celebration of his music.
All those platitudes can still be seen in the ticker in the bottom where the condolence messages sent by people can be seen. Some of them seem sincere, most of them are people who had little idea who he was and just want their three seconds of fame, and a few of them are dowhright retarded. Like this - "MJ, we miss you sooo much, your music has died with you :("
The music never dies, you freak! The art is what makes the artist immortal. How many people actually remember or care about the person. Even if he was a douchebag (which I don't believe he was) his music is what will count ultimately.
He was never a favourite of mine, but I really like certain songs and I overall enjoy his music. There is a definite sincerity and energy in his songs and he was one of the best lyricists of his era. He single handedly made Pop music cool and dragged it to its zenith before, well, the 90s happened. So all said and done, he will be missed. But his music won't be, because it hasn't gone anywhere.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
The Bus Conductor
"Rashbehari! Kalighat! Minto Park! Sealdah!!" "The bus is empty, get on quickly", he bellowed.
A swarm of people hurriedly got into the bus and, mightily relieved to find empty seats, rushed to them before they filled up. The bus resumed its journey. It was office hours, it would be full to the rafters soon.
Then conductor continued shouting out the bus route as it moved towards its next stop. He got paid through a commission out of the revenue he collected through tickets everyday, so it was in his interests to get as many people on board as possible. He hated it. There was never a peaceful moment in the morning rush, people would jump in or out every two minutes and the bus stops were too closely spaced for him to be able to switch off for even a moment. Strangely, only when the bus was stuck in a traffic snarl would there be a respite.
The bus was overflowing now, and tempers within were rising. The passengers were all jampacked together and the heat wasn't helping matters. They constantly shouted at him exasperatedly asking him why was the bus stopped for so long. He turned his sweaty face away and ignored them; if they expected him to magically lift the bus high and glide it over the traffic across the road, they were sadly mistaken.
It was a typical day.
...
It was early evening and the sky finally crackled enough to force the heavens to open and let loose. Like all Kolkatans, he loved the rain, even though it meant a dip in business. The rain brought back memory of younger days when life was simple and more carefree. This one was fast becoming a storm, and a welcome relief.
The rain was pouring now and the wet wind rushing past his face was as refreshing as an oasis in the desert. Still, work was work, and he grudgingly ducked into the bus to sell the tickets. The worst place to be in the rain in this city is inside a bus. As soon as the rain comes down, the window shutters go up and the bus becomes a sweaty, claustrophobic little box. He braced himself for the inevitable barrage of complaints about the leaking roof. He shrugged and told them this bus is just six months old, it was the company's fault they bought a faulty one, he cannot do anything about it. It always amazed him how everyone always thinks the conductor is the tyrant overlord of the bus and the reason for all its problems. But then again, he thought, who else can they blame.
He finished his round and went back to his post by the door. For a job whose description includes traveling across the city, a conductor's life can be become lonely. He's shackled to a moving prison cell trudging back and forth the same route route over and over and none of the other inmates ever stay long enough to strike a friendship with.
...
He usually enjoyed the last shift of the day. It would be late in the night when even this crazy city would slow down. The weather would be more bearable and the passengers would be more tolerable, as the few who travel that late are too tired to indulge in their favourite pastime of conductor bashing.
He was doing a routine round of ticketing when he suddenly heard a voice in front of him utter a gasp of surprise followed by his name. He looked up, and the hand he was handing the ticket over to belonged to someone he had not seen for years, but had never forgotten. She was clearly pleased at the sudden meeting and eagerly asked him how he was, and why had he become a bus conductor. What answer could he give her? That a string of misfortunes had cost his family his entire wealth and ultimately his father his life, and as a result none of his dreams and plans which he used to narrate to her could ever be realised? No, that would be making excuses and he never made them. So he just smiled weakly at her and changed the subject by inquiring about herself. She probably got the hint and talked about her life, it was a happy one and she had much to tell him.
They were soon chatting about their school days and reminiscing those events which had seemed so important and those which had seemed irrelevant but were ultimately so much more influential in shaping their lives . Suddenly, the bus screeched to a halt and they realised with a start that her destination had come. She hurriedly wrote down her phone number on her ticket and pushed into into his hand, extracting a promise to call her. Then she gave him a quick hug and jumped off.
The bus started moving again as he looked back at her retreating form. There was a time when he had liked, more than liked her. He probably still did. Still, those days were long gone and he was happy than she was doing well. She would have never been this happy with him. He looked at the ticket in his hand for a few moments, then crumpled it and let it fall out of the bus.
He looked ahead as the bus sped past the closed shops under the dim streetlights. Then he looked up and saw that the stars were out. It was a beautiful night.
A swarm of people hurriedly got into the bus and, mightily relieved to find empty seats, rushed to them before they filled up. The bus resumed its journey. It was office hours, it would be full to the rafters soon.
Then conductor continued shouting out the bus route as it moved towards its next stop. He got paid through a commission out of the revenue he collected through tickets everyday, so it was in his interests to get as many people on board as possible. He hated it. There was never a peaceful moment in the morning rush, people would jump in or out every two minutes and the bus stops were too closely spaced for him to be able to switch off for even a moment. Strangely, only when the bus was stuck in a traffic snarl would there be a respite.
The bus was overflowing now, and tempers within were rising. The passengers were all jampacked together and the heat wasn't helping matters. They constantly shouted at him exasperatedly asking him why was the bus stopped for so long. He turned his sweaty face away and ignored them; if they expected him to magically lift the bus high and glide it over the traffic across the road, they were sadly mistaken.
It was a typical day.
...
It was early evening and the sky finally crackled enough to force the heavens to open and let loose. Like all Kolkatans, he loved the rain, even though it meant a dip in business. The rain brought back memory of younger days when life was simple and more carefree. This one was fast becoming a storm, and a welcome relief.
The rain was pouring now and the wet wind rushing past his face was as refreshing as an oasis in the desert. Still, work was work, and he grudgingly ducked into the bus to sell the tickets. The worst place to be in the rain in this city is inside a bus. As soon as the rain comes down, the window shutters go up and the bus becomes a sweaty, claustrophobic little box. He braced himself for the inevitable barrage of complaints about the leaking roof. He shrugged and told them this bus is just six months old, it was the company's fault they bought a faulty one, he cannot do anything about it. It always amazed him how everyone always thinks the conductor is the tyrant overlord of the bus and the reason for all its problems. But then again, he thought, who else can they blame.
He finished his round and went back to his post by the door. For a job whose description includes traveling across the city, a conductor's life can be become lonely. He's shackled to a moving prison cell trudging back and forth the same route route over and over and none of the other inmates ever stay long enough to strike a friendship with.
...
He usually enjoyed the last shift of the day. It would be late in the night when even this crazy city would slow down. The weather would be more bearable and the passengers would be more tolerable, as the few who travel that late are too tired to indulge in their favourite pastime of conductor bashing.
He was doing a routine round of ticketing when he suddenly heard a voice in front of him utter a gasp of surprise followed by his name. He looked up, and the hand he was handing the ticket over to belonged to someone he had not seen for years, but had never forgotten. She was clearly pleased at the sudden meeting and eagerly asked him how he was, and why had he become a bus conductor. What answer could he give her? That a string of misfortunes had cost his family his entire wealth and ultimately his father his life, and as a result none of his dreams and plans which he used to narrate to her could ever be realised? No, that would be making excuses and he never made them. So he just smiled weakly at her and changed the subject by inquiring about herself. She probably got the hint and talked about her life, it was a happy one and she had much to tell him.
They were soon chatting about their school days and reminiscing those events which had seemed so important and those which had seemed irrelevant but were ultimately so much more influential in shaping their lives . Suddenly, the bus screeched to a halt and they realised with a start that her destination had come. She hurriedly wrote down her phone number on her ticket and pushed into into his hand, extracting a promise to call her. Then she gave him a quick hug and jumped off.
The bus started moving again as he looked back at her retreating form. There was a time when he had liked, more than liked her. He probably still did. Still, those days were long gone and he was happy than she was doing well. She would have never been this happy with him. He looked at the ticket in his hand for a few moments, then crumpled it and let it fall out of the bus.
He looked ahead as the bus sped past the closed shops under the dim streetlights. Then he looked up and saw that the stars were out. It was a beautiful night.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Top Ten Worst Tech Predictions Of All Time
cogged from Reader's Digest
9. "Spam will be solved."
8. "The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys."
7. "Nobody would ever need more than 640 kb of memory on their personal computer."
6. "We stand on the threshhold of rocket mail." (Brings me images of Wile E. Coyote delivering mail for some reason)
5. "There will never be a bigger plane built."
4. TV won't last because people will "soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."
3. "Nuclear powered vaccum cleaners will probably be a reality in ten years."
2. "No need for a computer at home."
and the winner is
1. "Next Christmas the iPod will be dead. finished, gone, kaput."
10. "X-rays will prove to be a hoax."
-Lord Kelvin, president of the UK's Royal Soiciety, 18839. "Spam will be solved."
-Bill Gates, 2004
8. "The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys."
- Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1878
7. "Nobody would ever need more than 640 kb of memory on their personal computer."
-Bill Gates, 1981, allegedly
6. "We stand on the threshhold of rocket mail." (Brings me images of Wile E. Coyote delivering mail for some reason)
-US postmaster general Arthur Summerfield, 1969
5. "There will never be a bigger plane built."
-Boeing engineer, 1933, after the maiden flight of a ten-seater Boeing 247
4. TV won't last because people will "soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night."
-Darryl Zanuck, 1946
3. "Nuclear powered vaccum cleaners will probably be a reality in ten years."
-Alex Lewyt, president of the Lewyt Corp vacuum company, 1955
2. "No need for a computer at home."
-Ken Olsen, founder of Digital equipment, 1977
and the winner is
1. "Next Christmas the iPod will be dead. finished, gone, kaput."
-Sir Alan Sugar, 2005
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Football Gameplans
I remember seeing these before the 2002 World Cup and falling out of my bed in laughter. They're still valid.
To put it in context, Netherlands didn't qualify for the tournament.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
In Pep We Trust, In Barca We Believe
In the end of the 2007-08 footballing season FC Barcelona lay bruised and battered, finishing 18 points behind rivals Real Madrid in the league and dumped out of the domestic and European Cup semifinals, the worst season in the Laporta era. A change was needed, the old guard had lost its hunger and had to go. So went Frank Rijkaard and club talismans Ronaldinho and Deco, who had dragged the club out of a six year title less streak and had made the club virtually invincible two years before under club president Joan Laporta, before it all fell apart.And in stepped Josep 'Pep' Guardiola as the new head coach, the man given the task to be the new messiah, to remind the world what Barca was all about, to usher in a new age of greatness.
But was it really such a good idea? Guardiola was a mere 37 years old then, his only experience of coaching having been one season in the youth squad. Was it really the wisest move in giving one of the most high pressure footballing jobs in the world to such an inexperienced manager? Granted, Guardiola was a club legend, who grew up in La Masia - the youth academy, became the heartbeat of Johann Cruyff's Dream team and won a host of titles with the club. But such sentimentality does not necessarily automatically a good manager make, nor even an inspiring messiah; just ask Alan Shearer. What the hell was Laporta thinking?
The season gone by has shown the Laporta was completely in his senses, in fact the decision has proved so succesful that no Barca fan can scarcely believe what has happened. FC Barcelona has arguably had his finest season ever, winning the triplete, the Spanish treble of La Liga, Copa del Rey and the UEFA Champions League. In the process, it has played the most beautiful and dominating footaball in living memory, scoring over 150 goals in the process, which is averaging more than 2.5 goals a game. With a nucleus of home grown players, Guradiola instilled a fantastic work ethic in the team where losing possession of the ball was regarded as worthy of capital punishment, a never say die spirit which made the team fight till the final minute and score many late goals, not least in the Champions League semi final against Chelsea, and an undying commitment to playing the game beautifully and for the fans. There is only one way Barca knew how to win, by keeping to its philosophy of playing the beautiful game and trusting in itself.
This was Guardiola's greatest achievement this season, he had pretty much the same squad as the one which had performed so poorly last season, in fact some would argue that it was weaker after the departure of some of the stars. However, Guardiola instilled in them the beliefs which had become a part of the club since the Cruyff era and which the team had forgotten, and he did it with an uncompromising disciplinary hand, penalising players for any departure of rules. For this, the biggest credits of the triplete surely belong to him.
Now on to the players. The biggest strength of this team is that it played and won as a team, which is why so many players can claim to have got superstar status from this season. The first to come to mind is obviously Lionel Messi, the Ballon d' Or elect. 38 goals and 24 assists in the season tell its own story (to put things in perspective, Cristiano Ronaldo's recordbreaking last season had 42 goals and 8 assists) but not the complete one. Anyone who saw Messi play recognised that the little guy was having a celestial season above anyone else on the planet and it was simply a matter of formality to anoint him the next World Footballer of the Year.
Or was it? Barca and Spain's midfield heart, the duo of Xavi and Andres Iniesta, have a strong case to challenge Messi's rise to the throne. The midfield was the fulcrum of Barca's possession football, adn the true reason of its dominance, exhibited so brilliantly in the Champions League final, where Man Utd's midfield was as good as non existent. Xavi has grown into the finest playmaker in the world, and Iniesta the most terrorising. Together, they accounted for over 50 assists and 20 goals between them.
Then we have Samuel Eto'o, who showed once again how it is never feasible to write him off, and no matter what his antics are off the pitch, there is no one more professional on it. He was put on the transfer list by Guardiola but proved to him in pre-season why he should stay with a whole lot of brilliant performances. Guardiola relented into keeping him in the face of such desire, and the decision turned out to the best transfer of the season. Even though he was pipped to the Pichichi (top goalscorer) by Diego Forlan in the league in the last game, by being the first person with Forlan to reach the 30 goal mark in La Liga in 14 years showed his importance.
Ably making the third spike of Barca's attacking trident, Thierry Henry turned back the years and brought a grace to the team which typified his Arsenal days. Popping up with crucial goals in many matches, and capping it with one of his finest performances in the 6-2 mauling of Real Madrid in the Bernebau, his contribution to the season must not be underestimated.
Which brings me to the transfer of the season, the rightback Dani Alves. The only right back in the world who has the attacking instinct to stay more in the opposition's half than the opposition full backs but has the stamina and drive and fall back each time the other team attack and not leave the defence exposed. Alves was the troubleshooter in chief of the team, every time Barca was in trouble, there would be a tendency to pass the ball to him so he could make one of his trademark runs and crosses. He saved many games that way.
Puyol, Pique and Marquez had to shoulder the defensive responsiblities and they did it with aplomb. Particularly, club captain Puyol got back the form to go along with his grit which had defined him a few years ago and Pique, the surprise of the year, became a rock solid defender this season. With Yaya Toure providing invaluable cover in the midfield and being the best water carrier around, the Barca defence is in good hands, although much can still be imporved.
Last but not least, the supporting cast who all stepped up when they were needed, mostly (Hleb was an unfortunate exception). It's not the biggest squad, or the best, but it had the desire and the commitment to be the best, and therefore the club became the best again.
What next? Let us go do it all over again next season. There is still much improvement which can be made, and if they are made, the titles keep coming and the beautiful football keeps flowing, this class of Barca will have to be recognised as one fo the greatest teams ever.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Tribute to The No. 3
The greatest football player I have had the privilege to see in my short lifetime.
For someone who has always enjoyed flowing attacking football more than anything else, it is strange that possibly the best player I have seen is a defender. But he is just that good.
Paolo Maldini, who else?
Paolo Maldini made his debut in AC Milan 25 years ago, four years before I was born. He is retiring next week, the year in which I stepped out of my teens. He has spent his entire career in the first team of one of the traditionally strongest European clubs and is one of the best defenders the game has ever seen. He has won just about every title he could have domestically with Milan multiple times, including the European Cup in three different decades. In 25 years he has been sent off just once to my knowledge, a testament to his discipline and skill. As a club legend he is second to none, even other contemporary one club players like Ryan Giggs, Raul and Puyol do not come close to commanding the respect this man does, from his club and the rest of the world, including his fiercest rivals. At the age of 41 he is still a first choice in Milan's defence, which, although does reflect poorly on the current geriatric state of the club, is nevertheless proof of his longevity. AC Milan declared several years ago that they will retire the No 3 jersey with him, but even they wouldn't have imagined in their wildest dreams that he would play on till age 41 with such consistency.
A gentleman off the pitch and an absolute machine on it, he made the successful transition from the best leftback in the world to the best centreback when his team needed it. One of the few proper defenders who could actually match anyone in the world for pace, an immaculate sense of positioning and tackling, and a fine passing vision combined to make him the perfect defender. The only blemish on his record is the lack of the World Cup; there is only one Italian I would have ever wanted to see lifting that trophy, and that's him. Unfortunately, he had retired from the international game when Italy won it in 2006.
Thanks for the memories.
For someone who has always enjoyed flowing attacking football more than anything else, it is strange that possibly the best player I have seen is a defender. But he is just that good.
Paolo Maldini, who else?
Paolo Maldini made his debut in AC Milan 25 years ago, four years before I was born. He is retiring next week, the year in which I stepped out of my teens. He has spent his entire career in the first team of one of the traditionally strongest European clubs and is one of the best defenders the game has ever seen. He has won just about every title he could have domestically with Milan multiple times, including the European Cup in three different decades. In 25 years he has been sent off just once to my knowledge, a testament to his discipline and skill. As a club legend he is second to none, even other contemporary one club players like Ryan Giggs, Raul and Puyol do not come close to commanding the respect this man does, from his club and the rest of the world, including his fiercest rivals. At the age of 41 he is still a first choice in Milan's defence, which, although does reflect poorly on the current geriatric state of the club, is nevertheless proof of his longevity. AC Milan declared several years ago that they will retire the No 3 jersey with him, but even they wouldn't have imagined in their wildest dreams that he would play on till age 41 with such consistency.
A gentleman off the pitch and an absolute machine on it, he made the successful transition from the best leftback in the world to the best centreback when his team needed it. One of the few proper defenders who could actually match anyone in the world for pace, an immaculate sense of positioning and tackling, and a fine passing vision combined to make him the perfect defender. The only blemish on his record is the lack of the World Cup; there is only one Italian I would have ever wanted to see lifting that trophy, and that's him. Unfortunately, he had retired from the international game when Italy won it in 2006.
Thanks for the memories.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
El Clasico scoreline: 6-2
The pasillo has been emphatically redeemed. The Liga is practically in the bag. I am the happiest person in the world.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Favourite Comic Book Quotes
This is by no means an exhaustive list. Just some quotes I can remember off the top of my head.
The Devil made me do it.
Lucifer: I have never made one of them do anything. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them.
The Devil made me do it.
Lucifer: I have never made one of them do anything. They live their own tiny lives. I do not live their lives for them.
- Sandman #23
Phantom Stranger: Can you travel into the future, John Constantine?
John Constantine: Only like everyone else boss. You know. One minute at a time.
Phantom Stranger: Can you travel into the future, John Constantine?
John Constantine: Only like everyone else boss. You know. One minute at a time.
- The Books of Magic #3
The Joker: If I am going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice. HA HA HA!!...
The Joker: If I am going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice. HA HA HA!!...
- Batman: The Killing Joke
Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!
Calvin: The Horrendous Space Kablooie!
- Calvin & Hobbes
Ogami Itto: Tsuwabuki some call it. The only flower to bloom in winter snows. The world all around it is in winter, frigid and cold. But yet it flowers with all its might, this Tsuwa-no-hana. (Note: The analogy is to a prostitute)
Ogami Itto: Tsuwabuki some call it. The only flower to bloom in winter snows. The world all around it is in winter, frigid and cold. But yet it flowers with all its might, this Tsuwa-no-hana. (Note: The analogy is to a prostitute)
-Lone Wolf and Cub: Chapter 14 (Winter Flower)
Fone Bone: Stupid, Stupid Rat Creatures!
Fone Bone: Stupid, Stupid Rat Creatures!
- Bone
Batman: I keep this city safe, even if it is safer by just one person. And I do not ever give in or give up.
Batman: I keep this city safe, even if it is safer by just one person. And I do not ever give in or give up.
- Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader: Part 2
(Detective Comics #853)
Dandele: There is no goodbye, Chunky Rice.(Detective Comics #853)
- Goodbye, Chunky Rice
Friday, April 24, 2009
The Beautiful Game
Football season is here in NLS again and I've spent the last few days playing and building up stamina for the tournament. It's been lovely to feel the touch of a football on my feet again and horrific to find out that I have lost said touch. The recent rain is only helping matters; softens the ground and brings back nostalgic school days of playing football in the mud, there is really no better weather to play the game than a stormy wind and rain.
I would love to write pages on Barca's performances this season, but until it is over I don't want to say anything and jinx my team. Still, regardless of how many trophies we get or don't get, I have never been more proud of supporting this club in ten years of being a cule. I got interested in the club after playing FIFA '98; shallow reason to start following a club, I know, but one decision which has worked out well, methinks.
Related: We are apparently going for an ambitious 4-3-2-1 Barca style formation in the tournament. I like it. For the record, I'll probably be playing in right central midfield.
I would love to write pages on Barca's performances this season, but until it is over I don't want to say anything and jinx my team. Still, regardless of how many trophies we get or don't get, I have never been more proud of supporting this club in ten years of being a cule. I got interested in the club after playing FIFA '98; shallow reason to start following a club, I know, but one decision which has worked out well, methinks.
Related: We are apparently going for an ambitious 4-3-2-1 Barca style formation in the tournament. I like it. For the record, I'll probably be playing in right central midfield.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Where There is a Will...
The last fiery rays were clinging to the sky, sending bright red streaks across the horizon in a vain attempt to hang on. The waves crashed against the shore with escalating ferocity as the tide increased by the minute. Each time the beach broke a wave another smashed into it. Slowly the water began creeping upward, inch by inch.
He sat on a rock, legs dangling, and watched all of this. His life had been miserable for a long time, today it had reached its climax. His boss had called him and handed him the pink slip, saying that the orders from above were to 'downsize' the company branch and they had unfortunately named him among the people to be fired. He said nothing and impassively walked away. He knew that no one else had been fired and that he had been chucked out so that the boss's son could join the company. He went straight to the shore, probably entertaining thoughts of drowning and ending his existence there and then.
Now he watched the ocean slowly winning its battle of ground supremacy. A crab scuttled away to higher ground to avoid the sea but was caught in a wave and got pulled back. It waited until the wave had receded and then made a dash for dry land, This time it succeeded, the waves only managing to wash away its trail.
A seagull suddenly dropped out of the sky and dived sharply into the sea, hunting for fishes. it came up a few seconds later, its beak empty. Undeterred, it started circling the area, its eyes focused downwards. In its third attempt, the seagull succeeded and the man watched the fish wriggling in its beak, slowly getting gulped down the seagull's throat.
The next time the seagull dived down, it came up with another fish, but this time the fish twisted and turned with all its might, finally managing to break its hold and flopped back into the sea.
He saw all this and noticed that Nature never gave up. The waves, the land, the crab, the seagull, the fish - all ceaselessly trying to achieve what they set out to do. Even if they did not succeed, they knew that if they kept fighting they would get another opportunity, and that was enough. He decided that he would also keep trying. He never liked his job anyway, so it was no big loss. He now had the chance to start all over again and was not going to let go of the chance. He silently thanked Nature, just as Nature had silently taught him a valuable lesson, and walked off with a spring in his step.
The sun finally set, but it set with dignity and a flaming farewell, as if it knew it was going to rise again at dawn and rule over the sky yet again.
This is an exact reproduction of a piece which was written sometime in Class XII. It started out as a random description writing exercise to pass time in a free period (hence the first paragraph) and developed into a proper prose piece. I didn't think too much of it right then, it was just another random piece of fiction I had come up with, and with a moral to boot. However, I found myself coming back to it in the next few weeks, mostly just reading it. I realised that I had written it subconsciously at some level to help me get through a really tough period. I had rarely showed such optimism in any of my stories, especially the ones I had written around the time. And it did give me the strength to go through a pretty hard time. It's not one of my best fiction pieces, the style is more juvenile than what I usually wrote, but it is very important to me and acted as a tremendous support. It also happens to be one of the very few times a written piece of mine got published (school magazine), so in that sense I'm pretty proud of it. I have reproduced it in a blogpost to remind me to always keep my chin up, and also as a promise to myself that I will get back to prose writing in the vacations, something which is long overdue.
He sat on a rock, legs dangling, and watched all of this. His life had been miserable for a long time, today it had reached its climax. His boss had called him and handed him the pink slip, saying that the orders from above were to 'downsize' the company branch and they had unfortunately named him among the people to be fired. He said nothing and impassively walked away. He knew that no one else had been fired and that he had been chucked out so that the boss's son could join the company. He went straight to the shore, probably entertaining thoughts of drowning and ending his existence there and then.
Now he watched the ocean slowly winning its battle of ground supremacy. A crab scuttled away to higher ground to avoid the sea but was caught in a wave and got pulled back. It waited until the wave had receded and then made a dash for dry land, This time it succeeded, the waves only managing to wash away its trail.
A seagull suddenly dropped out of the sky and dived sharply into the sea, hunting for fishes. it came up a few seconds later, its beak empty. Undeterred, it started circling the area, its eyes focused downwards. In its third attempt, the seagull succeeded and the man watched the fish wriggling in its beak, slowly getting gulped down the seagull's throat.
The next time the seagull dived down, it came up with another fish, but this time the fish twisted and turned with all its might, finally managing to break its hold and flopped back into the sea.
He saw all this and noticed that Nature never gave up. The waves, the land, the crab, the seagull, the fish - all ceaselessly trying to achieve what they set out to do. Even if they did not succeed, they knew that if they kept fighting they would get another opportunity, and that was enough. He decided that he would also keep trying. He never liked his job anyway, so it was no big loss. He now had the chance to start all over again and was not going to let go of the chance. He silently thanked Nature, just as Nature had silently taught him a valuable lesson, and walked off with a spring in his step.
The sun finally set, but it set with dignity and a flaming farewell, as if it knew it was going to rise again at dawn and rule over the sky yet again.
This is an exact reproduction of a piece which was written sometime in Class XII. It started out as a random description writing exercise to pass time in a free period (hence the first paragraph) and developed into a proper prose piece. I didn't think too much of it right then, it was just another random piece of fiction I had come up with, and with a moral to boot. However, I found myself coming back to it in the next few weeks, mostly just reading it. I realised that I had written it subconsciously at some level to help me get through a really tough period. I had rarely showed such optimism in any of my stories, especially the ones I had written around the time. And it did give me the strength to go through a pretty hard time. It's not one of my best fiction pieces, the style is more juvenile than what I usually wrote, but it is very important to me and acted as a tremendous support. It also happens to be one of the very few times a written piece of mine got published (school magazine), so in that sense I'm pretty proud of it. I have reproduced it in a blogpost to remind me to always keep my chin up, and also as a promise to myself that I will get back to prose writing in the vacations, something which is long overdue.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Chillin'
There is something cathartic about a terrace jam session under the full moon in the first breezy night in ages. After one has spent four days cooped up in one's hotbox of a room, stepping out only for food.
I know what I missed the most during my project imposed exile.
I know what I missed the most during my project imposed exile.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Of Pachyderm Blessings, Queen's Baths and Relaxing Jam Sessions: Hampi Travelogues Day II
Day II saw us arise later than we had planned, but not by much. I woke up the first and set off on a solo stroll up and down the main (well, only) road of the town with my newest toy - the music player. It's always interesting to see and hear a place come to life; the shops open, the thoroughfare begins to get busy and sundry early morning noises and smells fill the air. The walk gave me some useful 'me time' as well. I also found out that Elton John's 'Circle of Life' is an excellent early morning song.
After my walk was done, I came back and screamed at the other two to wake them up. It freaked poor Abu out, he's not used to such tactics. But it had its effect, so what the hell. We trotted to the river and bathed and then had breakfast in an 'Italian Bakery' which claimed to have Al Capone pizza from the board outside the shop. Whether that is true or not, I did have the best ever Spanish omelette I have ever had there. It beats Gokarna's Namaste Cafe hollow. And the homemade bread was excellent as well. Definitely my best meal of the trip.
Now we were raring to do some sightseeing. We decided to start with the main temple around which the town is built. As far as I could tell, it was the only temple from that era still in use. It is the focal point of the Hampi rath festival which I gathered to be the highlight of the year. It is a pretty big temple and I have always found South Indian medieval architecture interesting as I haven't been exposed to it much in my travels. We took a tour of the temple and noticed a bedecked elephant with a crowd mulling about it. Closer inspection revealed that the elephant was trained to take money from the devotee's hands with its trunk, give it to the mahout, and then bless the devotee by putting its trunk over his head. It was a pretty unique experience for me, but since I have read about how the elephants in India are trained through torture, also a slightly jarring one.
We had to hire an auto to visit the ruins as they were too spread apart. The tour around Hampi ruins took about three hours. There were the customary remains of a kingdom, broken down fortresses, a multitude of temples (most of which had their idols ransacked), the public places etc. The Hampi architecture is pretty beautiful, one could recognise the fusion of Indian and Persian styles within the South Indian sensibilities and this amalgam had created a fairly unique style all for its own. They are also durable. The amount of detail in the carvings and statues still remaining after 600 years is remarkable. The Mughal ruins in North India are pretty eroded and run down in comparison, even though they are from a later era. Goo was highly anticipating the visit to the 'Queen's Bath' ever since he had seen it in the map (naturally), but it turned to be quite a downer; a simple squarish building with a big empty bath and the customary carvings on the wall. I don't know whether Goo actually expected to find women still bathing there but he looked highly disappointed at seeing it.
By the time the tour ended we had been baked by the sun. All the pansies who are complaining about the Bangalore sun should go to the Deccan plateau for a couple of days right now. They'll stop complaining. We decided to go relax at the coolest near place we knew, Mango Tree restaurant and chill there till evening. We borrowed a guitar from a German tourist and Abu played, and Goo and me sang softly, just like our terrace jam sessions (except for the 'softly' part). It was a most relaxing time. The guitar's owner was clearly impressed by Abu's wizardry with it and kept giving furtive glances at his direction. Finally she mustered up the courage to come on over and asked him to teach the chords for 'Brain Damage'. A fairly stoned Abu was quite surprised by this but he took it in his stride and began to teach her. She actually picked it up quickly enough and was playing it decently and it sounded nice.. until she started to sing. Her voice was weirdly awful and monotonous (although I shouldn't be one to talk about godawful voices here). She was good company otherwise though and we also befriended a group of British hippies there. Once you got past the annoying accent, they were quite nice as well.
We came back and did our shopping for the various gifts etc we had to give out. Goo took a long time because he was suddenly gripped with an indecision mania at the wrong time. Then we had an hour or so till sunset before we headed back to Hospet. We decided to go back where we had started the trip, up the rocks where we had seen the sunrise. We found a good spot overlooking the town, recollected the trip, talked about how if some other people were there it would have been so much better, but then again we could have never done so much with a big group, and generally batted the breeze.
And that's how our Hampi trip ended. It was a beautiful experience.
After my walk was done, I came back and screamed at the other two to wake them up. It freaked poor Abu out, he's not used to such tactics. But it had its effect, so what the hell. We trotted to the river and bathed and then had breakfast in an 'Italian Bakery' which claimed to have Al Capone pizza from the board outside the shop. Whether that is true or not, I did have the best ever Spanish omelette I have ever had there. It beats Gokarna's Namaste Cafe hollow. And the homemade bread was excellent as well. Definitely my best meal of the trip.
Now we were raring to do some sightseeing. We decided to start with the main temple around which the town is built. As far as I could tell, it was the only temple from that era still in use. It is the focal point of the Hampi rath festival which I gathered to be the highlight of the year. It is a pretty big temple and I have always found South Indian medieval architecture interesting as I haven't been exposed to it much in my travels. We took a tour of the temple and noticed a bedecked elephant with a crowd mulling about it. Closer inspection revealed that the elephant was trained to take money from the devotee's hands with its trunk, give it to the mahout, and then bless the devotee by putting its trunk over his head. It was a pretty unique experience for me, but since I have read about how the elephants in India are trained through torture, also a slightly jarring one.
We had to hire an auto to visit the ruins as they were too spread apart. The tour around Hampi ruins took about three hours. There were the customary remains of a kingdom, broken down fortresses, a multitude of temples (most of which had their idols ransacked), the public places etc. The Hampi architecture is pretty beautiful, one could recognise the fusion of Indian and Persian styles within the South Indian sensibilities and this amalgam had created a fairly unique style all for its own. They are also durable. The amount of detail in the carvings and statues still remaining after 600 years is remarkable. The Mughal ruins in North India are pretty eroded and run down in comparison, even though they are from a later era. Goo was highly anticipating the visit to the 'Queen's Bath' ever since he had seen it in the map (naturally), but it turned to be quite a downer; a simple squarish building with a big empty bath and the customary carvings on the wall. I don't know whether Goo actually expected to find women still bathing there but he looked highly disappointed at seeing it.
By the time the tour ended we had been baked by the sun. All the pansies who are complaining about the Bangalore sun should go to the Deccan plateau for a couple of days right now. They'll stop complaining. We decided to go relax at the coolest near place we knew, Mango Tree restaurant and chill there till evening. We borrowed a guitar from a German tourist and Abu played, and Goo and me sang softly, just like our terrace jam sessions (except for the 'softly' part). It was a most relaxing time. The guitar's owner was clearly impressed by Abu's wizardry with it and kept giving furtive glances at his direction. Finally she mustered up the courage to come on over and asked him to teach the chords for 'Brain Damage'. A fairly stoned Abu was quite surprised by this but he took it in his stride and began to teach her. She actually picked it up quickly enough and was playing it decently and it sounded nice.. until she started to sing. Her voice was weirdly awful and monotonous (although I shouldn't be one to talk about godawful voices here). She was good company otherwise though and we also befriended a group of British hippies there. Once you got past the annoying accent, they were quite nice as well.
We came back and did our shopping for the various gifts etc we had to give out. Goo took a long time because he was suddenly gripped with an indecision mania at the wrong time. Then we had an hour or so till sunset before we headed back to Hospet. We decided to go back where we had started the trip, up the rocks where we had seen the sunrise. We found a good spot overlooking the town, recollected the trip, talked about how if some other people were there it would have been so much better, but then again we could have never done so much with a big group, and generally batted the breeze.
And that's how our Hampi trip ended. It was a beautiful experience.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Of Dawn Treks, Section 3 and a Little Slice of Paradise: Hampi Travelogues Day I
Every blog once in a while always turns into a boring travelogue. This is it for mine.
On what was mostly a whim and a fancy, and a burning desire to temporarily leave law school environs, Goo, self and Abu caught a bus and landed in Hampi, the site of arguably the only proper kingdom Karnataka can boast of. As we discovered, it's a pretty hippie place as well. I was admittedly the sober third wheel of the little group but that didn't detract from my having a good time.
We came to the town at the early hours of six a.m. and the auto driver was good enough to actually show us a decent, cheap place to stay. After dumping our luggage, we set out on an early morning trek to check the place out. We climbed up what looked like an unfinished path up the mountain and were treated to a glorious view of the early morning sun from the top overlooking some temple complex. The trip was off to good start. We also first encountered the signs which said that that particular construction was protected by Section 3 of the Karnataka Archaeological (something something) Act. These signs had mushroomed everywhere and had been slapped on everything, over the course of our trip we found them stuck on random rocks as wells. We don't know why, but we found this quite amusing.
Then we had an average breakfast (charitably speaking - it was our only below par meal on the trip) and went to the river. The other two bathed in the river while I guarded the luggage. I had already taken a bath so it wasn't a big deal. Then we all went into iguana mode, found a nice rock (the whole area is unbelievably rocky) with a good view of the river and the town and smoked (well, they smoked, I just threw sand at passing dogs and scared the hell out of them.) Then we found a much better place called 'Mango Tree' for another round of breakfast. It was a gorgeously shady open air place where you could just lean back against the slanted walls and relax. Which is what we did. The food was good too.
All this happened before my batch started class.
Now comes the real part of the day's events. The time had come to pass when Goo and Abu desperately needed to score. Their junkie radar told them that the stuff would be found across the river. So we crossed it. Then a little kid in an auto blasted us when we asked him where it could be found (that was one of their plans, to ask a young auto driver. I didn't realsie they were desperate enough to ask a kid). The kid ended his rant with the firm words of "Follow the Road, and don't look back". Of course, he was admonishing us, but it proved to be very sound advice. Having nothing whatsoever to go upon, we followed the road. Every once in a while we would question the sanity of going blindly into nowhere, but I guess the heat had made us kinda insane.
After walking forever, we did manage to score, thanks to directions given by a foreign wanderer with a straw hat and a stick. Then we went back to this place called 'Arba Mistika' which we had stumbled upon while we were searching.
It was a little oasis in the middle of nowhere. Run by a young guy in dreadlocks, it was home to a whole bunch of hippies, and the booze and narcotics was flowing like water. There was a central tent which was magically cool within the unbearable heat and nice, relaxing, trippy music was playing. Mattresses around low lying tables completed the setup.
The guys exchanged their stuff with the other hippies and we soon made friends. There was a German sadhu chap called Marcos, a Dutch kurta wearing fellow named Ramko and who preferred to be addressed as Ram, an Argentinian theatre chick whose name I've forgotten and some others. The others were happy with their grass and hash, I was happy with my beer and chicken (the rest of the town's places were vegetarian except for eggs :|) and my naps. We chilled there till evening and what a glorious few hours they were. Even till the next day Goo kept asking Abu whether they didn't imagine the place up in some stony haze and I had to assure them that they didn't.
As the sun fell we regretfully headed back to our side of the river and crashed in our room. Which was a good thing because the other two were really tired and high still and they needed some sleep. We woke up and went to this Tibetan run establishment for dinner. I had excellent thukpa for the first time after Gokarna but the highlight was a dessert dish called 'Hello to the Queen' which Goo ordered. It had molten chocolate, biscuits, fried bananas topped off with a scoop of icecream and was excellent. The ambience was dim and serene. Another good spot discovered.
We came back and slept soundly. And thus our first day was done.
Highlight of the Day: Arba Mistika, by far.
On what was mostly a whim and a fancy, and a burning desire to temporarily leave law school environs, Goo, self and Abu caught a bus and landed in Hampi, the site of arguably the only proper kingdom Karnataka can boast of. As we discovered, it's a pretty hippie place as well. I was admittedly the sober third wheel of the little group but that didn't detract from my having a good time.
We came to the town at the early hours of six a.m. and the auto driver was good enough to actually show us a decent, cheap place to stay. After dumping our luggage, we set out on an early morning trek to check the place out. We climbed up what looked like an unfinished path up the mountain and were treated to a glorious view of the early morning sun from the top overlooking some temple complex. The trip was off to good start. We also first encountered the signs which said that that particular construction was protected by Section 3 of the Karnataka Archaeological (something something) Act. These signs had mushroomed everywhere and had been slapped on everything, over the course of our trip we found them stuck on random rocks as wells. We don't know why, but we found this quite amusing.
Then we had an average breakfast (charitably speaking - it was our only below par meal on the trip) and went to the river. The other two bathed in the river while I guarded the luggage. I had already taken a bath so it wasn't a big deal. Then we all went into iguana mode, found a nice rock (the whole area is unbelievably rocky) with a good view of the river and the town and smoked (well, they smoked, I just threw sand at passing dogs and scared the hell out of them.) Then we found a much better place called 'Mango Tree' for another round of breakfast. It was a gorgeously shady open air place where you could just lean back against the slanted walls and relax. Which is what we did. The food was good too.
All this happened before my batch started class.
Now comes the real part of the day's events. The time had come to pass when Goo and Abu desperately needed to score. Their junkie radar told them that the stuff would be found across the river. So we crossed it. Then a little kid in an auto blasted us when we asked him where it could be found (that was one of their plans, to ask a young auto driver. I didn't realsie they were desperate enough to ask a kid). The kid ended his rant with the firm words of "Follow the Road, and don't look back". Of course, he was admonishing us, but it proved to be very sound advice. Having nothing whatsoever to go upon, we followed the road. Every once in a while we would question the sanity of going blindly into nowhere, but I guess the heat had made us kinda insane.
After walking forever, we did manage to score, thanks to directions given by a foreign wanderer with a straw hat and a stick. Then we went back to this place called 'Arba Mistika' which we had stumbled upon while we were searching.
It was a little oasis in the middle of nowhere. Run by a young guy in dreadlocks, it was home to a whole bunch of hippies, and the booze and narcotics was flowing like water. There was a central tent which was magically cool within the unbearable heat and nice, relaxing, trippy music was playing. Mattresses around low lying tables completed the setup.
The guys exchanged their stuff with the other hippies and we soon made friends. There was a German sadhu chap called Marcos, a Dutch kurta wearing fellow named Ramko and who preferred to be addressed as Ram, an Argentinian theatre chick whose name I've forgotten and some others. The others were happy with their grass and hash, I was happy with my beer and chicken (the rest of the town's places were vegetarian except for eggs :|) and my naps. We chilled there till evening and what a glorious few hours they were. Even till the next day Goo kept asking Abu whether they didn't imagine the place up in some stony haze and I had to assure them that they didn't.
As the sun fell we regretfully headed back to our side of the river and crashed in our room. Which was a good thing because the other two were really tired and high still and they needed some sleep. We woke up and went to this Tibetan run establishment for dinner. I had excellent thukpa for the first time after Gokarna but the highlight was a dessert dish called 'Hello to the Queen' which Goo ordered. It had molten chocolate, biscuits, fried bananas topped off with a scoop of icecream and was excellent. The ambience was dim and serene. Another good spot discovered.
We came back and slept soundly. And thus our first day was done.
Highlight of the Day: Arba Mistika, by far.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Why Oh Why did the Ducks Cross the Road?
This is so f*cked up. I personally believe that the pictures lie but that's mostly for the sake of my sanity.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
A Day Older than Yesterday, 7 Years after Childhood
So I quietly left my teens today, not much of a choice when mostly everyone I know is studying for repeats. Still, I suppose it was the best way to have spent this Birthday, gave me time to contemplate. I treated myself to a nice Peking lunch, slept through the afternoon, finished some more of that blasted placement diary and then ended it with an absolute mad session of PES with Nikki and Jannu with three controllers, so we would play two against one.. and the team with two players would typically have no coordination and be hilariously all over the place.
Do I feel any different? No, not really. I'm just a day older than I was yesterday and that's obviously not a life changing duration, even if it is a symbolically important day. But I did leave my teens behind, and although that's more symbolic than anything, it got me thinking of seven years ago when I stopped being a child and became a teenager. Life has certainly changed since then, I don't have to wear a uniform anymore, I see things less in black and white than I did, I have to shave regularly, and a million of other things. I am, what is called, becoming mature. Those days in Rajasthan, Delhi, and even Kolkata are gone.
What I think about is whether my growing up has amounted to this?
Have I left that child behind? I hope not. I hope that no matter how ripe an age I grow up to be, there is always some of the child and of the teen in me, I really, really do. For the record, I comfortably believe that I still have the kid who went to seven schools in me and gives me good counsel when I need him. A toast then to the continuing of this relationship. Here's to me and me.
P.S. thanks for the wishes everyone :)
Do I feel any different? No, not really. I'm just a day older than I was yesterday and that's obviously not a life changing duration, even if it is a symbolically important day. But I did leave my teens behind, and although that's more symbolic than anything, it got me thinking of seven years ago when I stopped being a child and became a teenager. Life has certainly changed since then, I don't have to wear a uniform anymore, I see things less in black and white than I did, I have to shave regularly, and a million of other things. I am, what is called, becoming mature. Those days in Rajasthan, Delhi, and even Kolkata are gone.
What I think about is whether my growing up has amounted to this?
Have I left that child behind? I hope not. I hope that no matter how ripe an age I grow up to be, there is always some of the child and of the teen in me, I really, really do. For the record, I comfortably believe that I still have the kid who went to seven schools in me and gives me good counsel when I need him. A toast then to the continuing of this relationship. Here's to me and me.
P.S. thanks for the wishes everyone :)
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Rants, News and some 'Tagging'
Intolerance reached a new level of absurdity when protesters prevented the construction of a Charlie Chaplin statue in Udupi on the grounds that he is a Christian... and therefore, our Hindu sensibilities will be offended when we see that famous moustache and bowler hat mocking us from their high pedestal. Some of us will probably succumb to depression and go drown ourselves on seeing that blasphemic sight.
chills my living bones
This is a Cracked.com article waiting to happen. How can anyone take this seriously? Thankfully, no one really has, not even Muthalik, who has condenscendingly rubbished it saying that Chaplin was never projected as a Chritian and therefore, everyone should view him as an artiste. Muthalik's comment has been tagged as 'Surprise of the Day' by Sunday Times, a nicely not-so-subtle dig on our misogynist crusader.
On a slightly related note, one of my favourite sad quotes belongs to this ultimate funnyman, more so because I have done it: "I always like to walk in the rain as no one can see me crying."
.....
The first week of the trimester has rumbled by and with the varying and, so far, mostly chilled out schedule we have had, it actually feels like we're in one of those filmi colleges where no one ever studies. It's not going to last, already the shadow of repeats and placement diary has put brakes to it, but it was nice all the same. And unlike most other pseudos, I had openly admitted that I had become restless sitting at home and was really looking forward to law school reopening. It's amazing how many people have indicated the same after a little prodding. If only we didn't cling to this falsely 'cool' sense of belief that law school is this unbearable hellhole where every minute is torture, then we could really enjoy our last really free years before career drudgery consumes our souls.
.....
Couple of blogs you can visit if you are not doing anything.
Firstly, this crazy one. It's by Dan Piraro who is the creator of the Bizarro syndicated comic strip. It's an absolutely fantastic read. The man's clever and hilarious, the best combination.
Then there is Neil Gaiman' blog. You probably already knew about it but what the heck.
chills my living bones
This is a Cracked.com article waiting to happen. How can anyone take this seriously? Thankfully, no one really has, not even Muthalik, who has condenscendingly rubbished it saying that Chaplin was never projected as a Chritian and therefore, everyone should view him as an artiste. Muthalik's comment has been tagged as 'Surprise of the Day' by Sunday Times, a nicely not-so-subtle dig on our misogynist crusader.
On a slightly related note, one of my favourite sad quotes belongs to this ultimate funnyman, more so because I have done it: "I always like to walk in the rain as no one can see me crying."
.....
The first week of the trimester has rumbled by and with the varying and, so far, mostly chilled out schedule we have had, it actually feels like we're in one of those filmi colleges where no one ever studies. It's not going to last, already the shadow of repeats and placement diary has put brakes to it, but it was nice all the same. And unlike most other pseudos, I had openly admitted that I had become restless sitting at home and was really looking forward to law school reopening. It's amazing how many people have indicated the same after a little prodding. If only we didn't cling to this falsely 'cool' sense of belief that law school is this unbearable hellhole where every minute is torture, then we could really enjoy our last really free years before career drudgery consumes our souls.
.....
Couple of blogs you can visit if you are not doing anything.
Firstly, this crazy one. It's by Dan Piraro who is the creator of the Bizarro syndicated comic strip. It's an absolutely fantastic read. The man's clever and hilarious, the best combination.
Then there is Neil Gaiman' blog. You probably already knew about it but what the heck.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Tribute to Jasper and Jinx (and a related rant)
Come on, you know who Jasper and Jinx are. Don't tell me you haven't heard of them. I'll bet my non existent million bucks that you have grown up with them. No? Well, let's see here. Jasper and Jinx were the original names given to these guys.
I'm glad they changed the names.
This post is a result of some hardcore television watching I have done post intership. This meant that most of the time I have been watching Tom and Jerry because, well, it is shown in Cartoon Network half the time (I will return to this). Tom and Jerry (along with eggs) were my first and most enduring obsession. I have seen all episodes at least five hundred times each by now (this is not an exaggeration) and I think the original Hanna/Barbera shorts are the best cartoons ever created. The obvious care in detail in animation and background score has never been replicated, fifty years after the shorts ended. It's also the only cartoon I know which everyone I know likes, including people who say that cartoons are for kids. I think I saw about 20 today itself at various times. The Chuck Jones cartoons (recognisable from the title sequence where Tom meows after the lion's roar) are also decent but cannot compare to the Hanna/Barbera ones. In fact, they resemble the 'Looney Tunes' and mostly Roadrunner gags are reused and the sound is nowhere near as creative, so some of the magic is lost. Still they are watchable. But the Gene Deitch shorts, recognisable by their absolute crappiness, should have been consigned to a forgotten history instead of being rerun along with the more brilliant cartoons. My two favourite Tom and Jerry shorts are The Yankee Doodle Mouse and The Cat Concerto.
Now to my short rant. It's concerning the quality of cartoons in Indian television today, which is absolutely shocking. It's amazing that when I was a single digit age kid, there was no dedicated kid's channel (or maybe Cartoon Network had just come in), and yet the quality of cartoons shown in DD Metro and Star and Zee and Sony were far superior to the crap being shoved down our throat here.
I mean let's take one channel here - Nickelodeon. When it first came in we had the Nicktoons, some of which were brilliant and all of which were watchable and outstandingly funny kid's shows like Kenan and Kel. Now, other than Spongebob Squarepants, we have mindnumbing anime like Ninja Hattori on offer. Why? Just because there is an anime rage sweeping the world, you'll pick out the worst the genre has to offer and show them? How does that make sense. Nickelodeon had a decent animation studio, what the hell happened?
Then there is Cartoon Network. When I was growing up, we had the Holy Trinity of Cartoon Cartoons, Power Zone and Hanna-Barbera, which, together with Tom and Jerry, had developed an outrageous monopoly of the best cartoons any Indian child generation has seen. Then came Pokemon. Now it isn't a bad cartoon. Having one anime like Pokemon gives good variety. But if you replace all that made your channel good with ten different rip-offs of Pokemon, you'll start to suck. They never have recovered and the fact that half their time slots these days are filled by Tom and Jerry, proving that it is the only thing which really sells anymore, shows how crappy they've become.
Even Animax, when it started out had some real good animes to offer - Samurai X, Get-Backers, Inuyasha etc. Even the lighthearted animes were good to watch. Now, I really can't see anything on that channel these days, it's just bad.
Kid's television is generally dumber these days. Do they not trust the mental faculties of kids anymore. Because I could definitely understand Swat Kats and Batman and Flintstones ten years back. The level of the show didn't need to be of that of Chhota Bheem for me. They should really give kids more credit.
This is one time where competition has clearly brought down the standards, instead of raising the bar as our economists would have us believe should happen. Apart from Tom and Jerry, the only show I really like is Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends. This Tiny TV show from Pogo is smarter than Ben 10.
Bleh!
I'm glad they changed the names.
This post is a result of some hardcore television watching I have done post intership. This meant that most of the time I have been watching Tom and Jerry because, well, it is shown in Cartoon Network half the time (I will return to this). Tom and Jerry (along with eggs) were my first and most enduring obsession. I have seen all episodes at least five hundred times each by now (this is not an exaggeration) and I think the original Hanna/Barbera shorts are the best cartoons ever created. The obvious care in detail in animation and background score has never been replicated, fifty years after the shorts ended. It's also the only cartoon I know which everyone I know likes, including people who say that cartoons are for kids. I think I saw about 20 today itself at various times. The Chuck Jones cartoons (recognisable from the title sequence where Tom meows after the lion's roar) are also decent but cannot compare to the Hanna/Barbera ones. In fact, they resemble the 'Looney Tunes' and mostly Roadrunner gags are reused and the sound is nowhere near as creative, so some of the magic is lost. Still they are watchable. But the Gene Deitch shorts, recognisable by their absolute crappiness, should have been consigned to a forgotten history instead of being rerun along with the more brilliant cartoons. My two favourite Tom and Jerry shorts are The Yankee Doodle Mouse and The Cat Concerto.
Now to my short rant. It's concerning the quality of cartoons in Indian television today, which is absolutely shocking. It's amazing that when I was a single digit age kid, there was no dedicated kid's channel (or maybe Cartoon Network had just come in), and yet the quality of cartoons shown in DD Metro and Star and Zee and Sony were far superior to the crap being shoved down our throat here.
I mean let's take one channel here - Nickelodeon. When it first came in we had the Nicktoons, some of which were brilliant and all of which were watchable and outstandingly funny kid's shows like Kenan and Kel. Now, other than Spongebob Squarepants, we have mindnumbing anime like Ninja Hattori on offer. Why? Just because there is an anime rage sweeping the world, you'll pick out the worst the genre has to offer and show them? How does that make sense. Nickelodeon had a decent animation studio, what the hell happened?
Then there is Cartoon Network. When I was growing up, we had the Holy Trinity of Cartoon Cartoons, Power Zone and Hanna-Barbera, which, together with Tom and Jerry, had developed an outrageous monopoly of the best cartoons any Indian child generation has seen. Then came Pokemon. Now it isn't a bad cartoon. Having one anime like Pokemon gives good variety. But if you replace all that made your channel good with ten different rip-offs of Pokemon, you'll start to suck. They never have recovered and the fact that half their time slots these days are filled by Tom and Jerry, proving that it is the only thing which really sells anymore, shows how crappy they've become.
Even Animax, when it started out had some real good animes to offer - Samurai X, Get-Backers, Inuyasha etc. Even the lighthearted animes were good to watch. Now, I really can't see anything on that channel these days, it's just bad.
Kid's television is generally dumber these days. Do they not trust the mental faculties of kids anymore. Because I could definitely understand Swat Kats and Batman and Flintstones ten years back. The level of the show didn't need to be of that of Chhota Bheem for me. They should really give kids more credit.
This is one time where competition has clearly brought down the standards, instead of raising the bar as our economists would have us believe should happen. Apart from Tom and Jerry, the only show I really like is Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends. This Tiny TV show from Pogo is smarter than Ben 10.
Bleh!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
